Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
