You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This house was built for laser tag.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
