Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
