There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
