Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
