I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Success! We fucked roommates!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize