I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
