How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize