If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
