my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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