Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
