i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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