I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
