just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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