So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
