I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
