He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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