brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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