the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
