After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
