Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
