i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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