You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
