I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
