she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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