where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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