hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
