pedialite and red bull = repair kit
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
