yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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