Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My feet surprised me
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