What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
