suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
