i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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