We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
