i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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