so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
