i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
