have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
