party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
