I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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