So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
