Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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