Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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