Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
