Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
