White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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