I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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