pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
