the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
