I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
