One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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