garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
