so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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