Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
