Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
