how can u be prego again
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
