I heard we made out
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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