remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
