I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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