some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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