i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
