and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize