you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Who died my cat blue again?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
