Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize